Scariest moment of my entire life

This morning the kids were begging for a bike ride, so I got us all ready.  We put our helmets on and I put Vander in the child seat on my bike.  Then I stepped away from the bike.  And it fell over.

I rushed to his side and tried to pick up the bike but it was too heavy with him strapped in.  I managed to get him unbuckled just as he finished drawing in that long, horrible, silent breath before the scream.  He screamed and wailed.....and didn't move.  His arms and legs were limp.  Completely calm, I held him and said, "Vander, touch your nose.  Vander, hold my hand."  For 60 long seconds he lay limply in my arms and cried.  Then, with another wail he kicked me and started grabbing me with his hands.

And I burst into sobs.

I held him and bawled and bawled.  This is what his helmet looked like.

So I knew that a lot of force had been transferred to his neck.  What a terrible, sickening moment when I thought he might be paralyzed!  Even now, when I think of it, I start to cry again.

I sat on the driveway, holding him, and tried to think rationally about what my next step should be.  I thought that I should probably take him to a doctor, but I wasn't sure if I should go to Nathan's work or a hospital.  I called Nathan at work (which I never do) and calmly told him what had happened.  He thought that I was saying Vander had fallen off of Annalee's little bike (which he likes to climb on when he gets into the garage.)  Nathan said, "Well, as long as he's not throwing up--" at which point, Vander barfed all over me.  My calm was gone and I started freaking out again.  We determined that I should take Vander to St. Luke's.  With all the important decisions made, I lost it and started sobbing to Nathan about how scary it had been when I thought Vander was paralyzed.  Poor Nathan, stuck at work and unable to solve my problems!

Annalee talked to our neighbor down the street, Rebecca, who is the Primary President in our ward.  She put the bikes away and even washed the barf off the driveway while I got Vander and I changed.  I don't know why I bothered, because no sooner did I have new clothes on him than he barfed on those too.  I put a crumb-catcher bib on him and took him to the hospital while Annalee stayed with my neighbor.

He threw up the whole way to the hospital.  When we got into the exam room he barfed in there too.  (The nurses thought the bib idea was great for catching the vomit.)  It was then that I really saw how affected Vander was.  Here we were in a room full of interesting, forbidden machines and tools--the type of stuff that he normally can't keep his hands off of--but he just sat on the bed and stared around sleepily, in a daze.  They ordered a CT scan on him.  He had to be strapped into the papoose-like velcro wrap, immobilizing his head and arms, and he didn't even care.  He just quietly looked around at everything that was happening.  Finally, we went back to his room to wait for the results and he fell asleep in my arms.

The results came back normal, meaning that he didn't have a fracture.  But he did have a concussion.  Vander woke up soon after that, and I was overjoyed when he wanted to play with the tv remote.  That's my little Vanderlizer!  Nathan arrived and held me while I lost it again.  It's so nice to have someone strong around that can let me be the weak one every once in a while!

And I've almost gotten over the mommy guilt.