A Lie Will Bring You Trouble Sure as Pie

Nathan doesn't often work on Sundays but sometimes it happens.  On one such day I got the kids dressed and fed, made some brownies for my Primary class, set up my kids with a movie and a snack, promised them some brownies after church, and ran upstairs to take the world's fastest shower.  Ten minutes later I was dressed and mostly ready for church.  As I came down the stairs, Annalee said, "Mommy, Vander got into the brownies."

I thought, "HOW?!"  I had turned the kitchen chairs on their sides so he couldn't climb up to the stove.  Then I thought, "Maybe it won't be so bad."
It was bad.

Vander was standing on a chair, stabbing the brownies with a straw.  I stuttered for a few seconds and then formed the coherent question, "How did he get up there, Annalee?"  She said she didn't know.  I was so baffled.  I came over to talk to Annalee where she sat at the computer and that's when I saw the chocolate on her hands and face.  And on the computer mouse.

Bam.

Two kids got put in instant time-out, and Mommy went back upstairs to finish getting ready.  My dearest desire was to paddle Annalee's bottom until she was as upset about the situation as I was.  Instead, I applied mascara.  When I came back down the feeling had passed.  But I was still very angry and extremely disappointed.  It was time to leave for church but I sat down with Annalee and had a talk instead.  I explained how her actions were more serious than just getting into something when I had told her not to.  I told her how there were 10 kids in my class who had all done something hard to earn a brownie today.  (They had to watch a talk during General Conference and take notes--pretty steep for 12 year olds!)  I told her how these 10 kids were going to be so disappointed and sad when they didn't get the treat they'd earned.  Then I explained how I had promised to bring a treat for them, and now Annalee was making me break my promise.  Then we talked about lying, about how it destroys trust.  I used lots of examples so she would understand.  I asked her how she would feel if I said we could go to the park but inside I knew that we would not go to the park, I was just lying to her.  She thought that wouldn't be good.  Then I told her that she would be getting a punishment but that I would tell her what it was later.  (Delaying punishment is something from Love & Logic.  It helps you give a punishment that fits the crime instead of doling one out in anger.  Also, it lets them worry about it a little, hee hee.)  Then we talked about repentance.  It's been difficult for me to figure out how to talk about repentance with my kids because since they aren't capable of sinning before age 8 they don't need repentance.  Yet the scriptures tell us we are responsible for teaching them about faith, repentance, and baptism by the age of 8.  So we talked about how right then she was a liar.  And how, if she told me something, I might not be able to trust her because I would think she is lying.  But then I told her the good news, that Jesus Christ suffered and died for us so we could repent of our sins and change.  If we are a liar, we could change and be forgiven and become truthful again.  It think the Atonement suddenly meant more to her than it ever had before.  You don't really appreciate something until you realize that you need it!  (Of course, she didn't "need" it, but...like I said.)  So I told her that we could pray and she could say she was sorry.  She felt so much better.

We were late for church.  Then I told her about the first of her punishments: she would have to come tell my class why they didn't have a treat.  First, I prepared my class by explaining what had happened.  They were sad, but they understood.  Then I told them I would bring Annalee in and they would pretend like they didn't know until she told them.  Then they would look sad.  I didn't want them to act really upset and scar her for life, but I did want her to see how sad they were.  I thought this was a brilliant idea.  Heh heh.  I brought Annalee in.  Hanging her head, she told them what she had done.  Ten 12 year olds tried to look sad.  Then they looked at each other.  Then they started smiling and tried to hide it behind their hands.  Then they started snickering, giggling, and laughing.  Annalee hid her face in my skirt.  "They're not laughing at you," I tried to assure her.  "When boys and girls get older they act really silly around each other."  The kids were quick to join in and tell Annalee that they were laughing at each other, not at her.  She went back to Primary feeling better.  I told my class that I hoped no one was in Drama, because they stunk!

Back at home, Annalee got the rest of her punishments.  For eating the brownies, she would get no brownies.  And no desserts at all for a week.  We tend to have a dessert every night (even if it's only a marshmallow or a piece of fruit) so this was a big punishment.  Then she got worse news: for lying, she would be grounded from the computer AND the tv for a week.  It was a very long week for both of us.  I took every opportunity to reiterate that when we do something wrong it's best to tell the truth because lying gets you into more trouble!

And I came up with a new punishment for lying: picking up all the dog poop in the back yard.  So far she has only had to do it once.  If she tells me crap, she has to shovel it!