I love Nampa. I love the weather. I love the people. I love my house. I love being closer to Nathan's parents.
I hate being further away from mine.
Today I had a good cry, just missing East Idaho, which I lived in for 23 of my 32 years. I don't miss the weather. I don't miss Nathan not being able to find a RN job. But I miss my friends there. I miss my mechanic (Jon's Auto in Idaho Falls) who I could always trust and not be left wondering if I'd been cheated. I miss the KLCE 2nd Chance Prom--they have nothing like that here.
I really miss my family. I miss being only 2 1/2 hours away from my sister and 5 minutes from my brother. I miss the days when all I had to consider about a visit to my parents was whether I had enough time to run to Rigby and back before Vander's nap. I miss my mom dropping in for surprise visits when she was in the neighborhood being a Realtor Superhero. I miss the weekly lunch I had with my dad when he would get done exercising at the Apple. I miss going to their house for dinner once a month and having Dad's famous Sunday roast. I miss letting the kids ride horses and pet cats and having my parents see most of their milestones with me.
So I cried.
See, I didn't choose this. I didn't want to move. I didn't pick Nampa. But that was what was in the cards. One of the greatest lessons my parents have taught me is that I can't choose a lot of what happens to me, but I can choose how I react to it. My happiness is up to me. So when I realized it was going to happen despite my every wish and plan to the contrary, I made a decision to be happy about it. Ecstatic. I decided that I was only going to look at the good things. I have had too many bouts of depression in my life and these changes had "WARNING!" written all over them. So I didn't look back. I focused on every positive and plus I could find and filled my prayers with thanks to Heavenly Father for every blessing I could think of.
But sometimes, I am reminded of the future we had mapped out for our family, the one that didn't work out. It was a really good plan. Nathan and I were pretty proud of it. It was hard to let it go. And every once in a while I pull out those rejected plans and I hold them and cry. Because I'm still homesick.
10 comments:
I'm sorry you had a sad day. It can be hard to change. Kudos to you for keeping a good attitude tho. I had a neighbor when I was little that"had" to move here with her husband from CA and she was always so sad & depressed. I have always felt bad for her because she couldn't find happiness in her family. It's obvious you have found joy in your family! I hope tomorrow is a little better. You look fabulous by the way!
I'm up feeding the baby by the way, I dont always comment in the early morning hours. ;)
It's the hormones. You've carved out a nice little niche for your family, you've got friends and you don't even have to buy plane tickets to see your family. I know how you feel though, I get homesick for family, and things familiar to me like the mountains.
My dream would be for my husband to land a job at USU in Logan, exactly half-way between our parents but near that beautiful Logan Canyon.
However, somewhere as far away as North Carolina might be in the plans and I would be completely lost.
I just have to keep an open mind about our future, and trust that the Lord knows better than we do what is best for our family.
Yeah, I think it might be that time of the month, but that doesn't mean the feelings aren't there the rest of the time too.
OH GIRL! I can relate so so much! I NEVER in my wildest dreams would have imagined this life--in some ways it is better than I hoped for, and in some ways I want to throw myself a 2 year olds tantrum about it. :)
I know you're not right there, but know there is a girl in Texas who thinks you are so dang lucky that in a few hours drive you can be back home, and that at least you share the same state with the ones you love!
I understand. I was just crying last night over something I have no control over really that I thought I had just learned to be accept and be happy anyways despite that issue. We all have those days. (((HUGS)))
Oh, and I miss you in Idaho Falls, too. :) We ALMOST planned our Fall break to go to Nampa to visit you but it didn't work out. You are on a very short list of people we really want to visit. :)
Yay! We love to be on those kinds of lists!
I'm with you, Sandi! Hated the city when we moved here, but trying (and succeeding a little) to love it. Thanks for your positive example.
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